This is also the type of amends you will make to someone who has passed away that you owe an amends to. You should make amends when you reach step 9, if you are working a program of recovery and going through the steps with a sponsor. If you are not working a 12-step program of recovery, we highly recommend it, however, you can make amends during your recovery process. As it says in step 9, make amends to someone only if it will not injure them or others. Some amends are best played out as a commitment to yourself, not to engage in the same behavior that caused the wrongdoing. The amends you make to your loved ones are admitting your wrongs and shortcomings due to your addiction. But simply saying you’re sorry and staying sober may not be enough for some of the people you’ve harmed.
How do you make a narcissist miserable?
- Tactic #1. Know your enemy.
- Tactic #2. Call them out on their “bs”
- Tactic #3. Tell them, “No”
- Tactic #4. Hit them with new boundaries.
- Tactic #5. Hold them accountable.
- Tactic #6. Set consequences.
- Tactic #7. Hit them with facts and evidence.
- Tactic #8. Shift the spotlight onto yourself.
Every patient in our care receives a personalized treatment plan that takes into account their unique needs. But, by facing reality and the long-term impact of your actions, and making amends to those you’ve hurt, you’re able to make peace with the past and put it behind you and move forward. Some of these same things can happen to the other person in the process. Or, they may gain greater insights about addiction and commit to being a more supportive person in your recovery. There are three main types of amends, and it’s important to recognize which one is appropriate in a given situation. Understanding some making amends examples can help the individual correct past behaviors. Commit to working your program and aftercare plan after your substance misuse addiction treatment.
What Are Living Amends?
You can write down every instance where your actions related to substance abuse resulted in harm to another person. For example, if you stole money you should write down from whom and how much. If you wrecked a friend’s car, you should total the damage to see what you owe them to repair it. If you cheated with a friend’s spouse, add that to your list and you can figure out how to make amends later. Even if you are unsure of the victim of the crime, such as stealing money from a tip jar or embezzling money from your company, write it down. By getting her family involved and putting in the work, Kristin was able to make living amends with them before she ever made any direct amends. In fact, it was almost three years before she verbalized any direct amends.
- Have open and honest conversations about the relationship and where it can use improvement and stay committed to those changes.
- To discern whether to make amends, ask yourself why you’re wanting to contact the person.
- By making amends, you’ll have the opportunity to reconnect with people you’ve harmed as a result of your addiction.
- Keep moving towards those people who are welcoming and ready to accept your amends.
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Making Amends: How to Approach Step 9 AA… and When Not To
Giving back to the community and helping others is a common way to make an indirect amend when you are in recovery. It’s a form of resolution.Learning how to change your attitudes and behaviors while in treatment can conjure up feelings of guilt or anxiety about the way you treated people in the past. By making amends with someone, you’re resolving conflict not only with that person but with yourself too. When I was about four years sober, I reached out to apologize to—and forgive—someone who I still believe wronged me in many ways. The story I had told myself in active addiction, and in the first couple years of sobriety, was that they were a terrible person who had messed up my life. I am very sorry for stealing money out of your desk in order to fund my drug habit last year. Remembering how I stole from you makes me sad and fills me with shame.
- Our relationship was always tough, and I was hard on her, to say the least.
- Now that you’re committed to a sober life, make it all about others as well.
- In at least one apology, I was clear that I’d blacked out a lot of the details of why the person was mad.
- Were any of your friendships damaged as a result of your substance abuse?
If you take the direct approach, you make an effort to contact the person and repair the damages you caused. On the other hand, if you take the indirect approach, you focus on changing your behaviors and allow these changes to demonstrate your efforts. The important piece is the knowledge that you have done what you can to repair the pain you have caused, and that you have taken responsibility for your actions. The insight that you gain through the recovery process and the changes you make to move towards a stable, sober life fortify you and increase your ability to live with integrity and grace. Being able to admit past mistakes is crucial to the recovery process.
Don’t Hold Back—It’s Too Easy to Get Out of This Step
These may be family members, friends, loved ones, or colleagues. Keep a list of everyone you feel that you wronged, and get ready to take action. A direct amends I made was for borrowing money from multiple people. I reached out to them, told my story and where I was at now, and said how sorry I was.
Perhaps while you were in active addiction, you betrayed your loved one by stealing money from them. Now is your chance to apologize for that behavior and repay them. Make a direct, financial amend by setting up recurring payments until you have repaid everything you owe. If money is tight, discuss with your sponsor other possible methods of compensation and how to better manage your finances in recovery. One example could be to help the person with errands and chores around their house.
If You’re Struggling to Make Amends
However, it’s crucial to avoid being impulsive or careless when attempting to make things right. Considerable thought and planning are needed to work toward the best possible outcome. Making amends can be challenging, but it is essential to rebuilding trust and developing healthy relationships. If someone has decided they will continue in a relationship with you, be patient with them, as they might need time to process their feelings or thoughts.
How do you make amends for hurting someone?
- Lower Your Pride.
- Avoid Making Excuses.
- Listen to Their Side of the Story.
- Put Yourself in the Other Person's Shoes.
- Ask How You Can Make Things Right.
- Give The Other Person Time and Space to Process Your Apology.
- Give Them Time to Heal.
- Keep to Your Purpose.
Perhaps you often let down your friends and family by not fulfilling promises. Going forward, only accept invitations you can fully commit to and add Making Living Amends During Addiction Recovery events and reminders to your calendar to stay organized. You may feel guilty, stressed out, anxious, or fearful that you’ll be flat-out rejected.
How to Make Amends with Someone While in Recovery
Be understanding and empathetic to their answer, no matter if it’s positive or negative. The apology must be sincere and genuine, while genuinely understanding how the other person is feeling. If possible, try writing it out first , so you get a better understanding of exactly for what you’re apologizing. First, as painful as it can be, evaluate your actions and consider how they hurt the https://ecosoberhouse.com/ person. Step into the shoes of the person affected and see yourself from their angle. If you’re not sure how to get started making your amends in rehab, here are a few helpful tips to make the process easier. Taking ownership of your actions and making things right with your loved ones makes you feel great and helps you rebuild your confidence, self-esteem, and self-efficacy in recovery.